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Sunday, November 15th 2009

10:22 PM

...


Because Holly asked me not to delete my account here, and I'm still very, very undecided if that's what I want to do or not anyway....



18 thought(s) shared / what do you think?

Friday, November 13th 2009

3:42 PM

To Be Or Not To Be


That is indeed, the question.

I am thinking about deleting this blog. I get a lot of views, according to my stats page. But... no comments or interaction from readers. This fact paired with events in my life right now that leave me feeling a bit less than thrilled about blogging just make me wonder if keeping this blog going is worth it or not. For the past month I've just been cross-posting everything here from blogger anyway and it's just getting to be a little bit of a pain to do that; when things in my life as they are right now it's about all I can take just to get the initial post up on blogger, then to have to come here to cross-post when nobody seems interested in what I have to say anyway... it's just a bit too much right now.

I did think about just deleting my account and thinking nothing of it but I decided that with my stats that I at least owe my readers a word of warning that the blog may be deleted soon. On one hand I admit that given the lack of comments (other than those I get from Holly of course, though she seems to have abandoned her blog) I have a bitter side that thinks I should just delete my account and move on and just leave everyone hanging wondering what happened. But so much has happened this year... there was a time when I WOULD have just deleted my account with no warning. But things have changed, and I'm not willing to do that anymore. Even if nobody ever gives me much thought, I think they all still at least deserve to know that this is something that has been on my mind for quite some time now and with recent events I just truly don't know if I am up for keeping this blog.

It's not official yet - I still have some thinking to do on this matter. However, if I do decide that I do not want this blog anymore there will be no good-byes or any more posts like this one to let you know I'm leaving... it will just be deleted.

I'll be honest, chances of my staying here are slim. I will keep my 'happy place' blog on bravenet for now but I'm not sure of that blog's fate yet either. I thought surely a blog filled with happy thoughts would do well but it is not doing well. I guess just as with the news media when it comes to blogs those that do best are the ones that are filled with negativity and drama rather than happy, positive things. I will probably be moving my nail blog too, but that is also undecided at the moment. If I do decide to move that blog, there will be a post made there with the information on when the move will take place and where to find the new blog.

I know this might seem like it's coming out of nowhere but this has been on my mind for several months. I guess I was hoping something would happen to change my mind and make me want to stay but, turns out things have happened that make me feel like much too much of an outsider here, like I don't belong. And I will not stay where I do not feel welcome or wanted.

So, if you only skimmed rather than reading my post in it's entirety the jist of it all is that for numerous personal reasons you may click a link to come here some day soon only to find the blog is gone. I don't know when exactly I will delete my account if in fact I do... could be tomorrow, could be in a month, I don't know. But it's looking like at some point soon I will be clicking that delete button.

2 thought(s) shared / what do you think?

Thursday, November 12th 2009

12:31 PM

Randomness

  • LOTD: Lydia Marie's lip balm - chocolate flavored
  • NOTD: a funky French with China Glaze polishes, glitter and rhinestones
  • Listening to: tip tap tapping of the keyboard
  • Feeling: all over the place

My boyfriend is still really sick, and we still don't know what's wrong. He is finally more willing to cooperate where going to the doctor is concerned, but his last appointment she did not seem to really think he was sick. Which infuriates me and the woman is lucky I am five hours away because if not she'd be in for an earful. I'm just worried sick about him - he's never been this sick before, and it's been too long for him to be this sick.

I am attempting to learn to knit again. After watching my sister knit while she was here over the weekend I was inspired. The technique she was using was very cool, and it's something that can't be done with crochet. So I got some new knitting needles yesterday and have been practicing. The hardest thing for me is getting my tension right and then keeping it as even as possible. I do ok with the first row but then the second row always seems to be too tight. But all things considered I think I'm doing ok for my skill level and for having only one day of practice under my belt.

I got a new straightening iron yesterday. There is nothing wrong with the one I already had, I just wanted a new one. I'll admit, it's all the videos on youtube of being able to use a straightening iron to CURL your hair that had me intrigued. I couldn't seem to get my old one to do it though. So I got a new one, and it's actually been designed to be able to curl as well as straighten. Oh but now of course I found a video that shows the proper way to do it, from a professional (how do those other girls on youtube do it with their method, cause it would not work at all for me?!) and now I THINK my old one might work for curling anyway. Oh well. I still like the new one a lot. I still like the old one too. So I don't intend to get rid of the old one. I shall keep and love them both. (Despite the fact that in all honestly I rarely use the old one and know I will rarely use the new one either... I kinda just like having them. LOL) Anyway, in my attempts to curl with the new one last night (BEFORE finding that other video....) I did not succeed in curling my hair. I did, however, succeed in burning my finger. Which I suspect I'll do many times with this one till I get used to it. The heating plates actually wrap around and are on the outsides of the iron as well as the inside... perhaps not the best purchase for a klutz like me, but that's what they make burn ointment for. I tried again this morning using the method in the video I found last night, and lo and behold... it worked! Well... kinda anyway. It seemed like it only wanted to curl the last few inches of my hair, but not the majority of the length. I think I just need some practice to get it right. But at least now I know what I am supposed to do as far as how to wrap my hair & flip the iron around to get it to curl.

My mom also said she thinks because my hair is so thick and long (thus very heavy) nothing will give me the curls I am looking for, and I do think she's probably right. I have a hunch if I were to cut my hair, the straightening iron would probably be perfect for curling it. But, I'm not ready to cut my hair yet. My goal when I first started letting it grow (3 years ago in February... and keep in mind  I have also had several trims since then, and I did a couple small cuts between then and now as well) was hip length. I'm a good way past that now and have been for some time. Really, right now I am just kind of curious just how long I can stand to let it get. LOL

I think we have everything we need for Thanksgiving supper, which is good and means we are way ahead of the game this year. Usually we don't get what we need until the last minute possible and of course by then that means improvising and going without some things because everything's sold out. But somehow this year we managed to get everything early, and over a couple trips to the store rather than all at once. We have our turkey (we actually got two, so we're set for Christmas too as far as the bird goes haha) and stuffing, I stocked up on broth, we have noodles (I usually make homemade noodles for the holidays but it was just a hunch this year I'm not gonna feel like making them so I bought some Amish noodles, they're the closest to homemade you can buy!) and we got out jellied cranberry sauce, some canned veggies etc. I'm holding off on getting the fresh cranberries but I think that's the only thing left on the Thanksgiving shopping list. I feel quite accomplished. =) 

Last night I worked out the details for recipe contest entry number one. I think I'm pleased with it. I wish I had more taste testers than myself and my dad, but... I do think the recipe is good to go. I'm not sure when I'll start working on recipe number two. I'd planned to do it today but I kind of don't feel like it right now, so maybe tomorrow or sometime over the weekend. While recipe number one is very simple and quite tasty, I think recipe number two is going to be my favorite and quite possibly a winner.  

Anyway, I know my sister is going to call on her lunch break to nag me some more about whether or not I've been practicing knitting so I am off to get some practice in. She's so thrilled I'm giving knitting another chance it's kind of disturbing. LOL

1 thought(s) shared / what do you think?

Tuesday, November 10th 2009

8:33 AM

Humbug


So I am still working out the details of my entries for the recipe contest I mentioned not long ago. I have yet to actually make anything I've come up with to really get things rolling for my entries. Why? Oh, no special reason really it's just.... I can't find the blasted ice cream I need for the recipes. The contest requires a specific brand AND flavor ice cream (though there is another category for any of that brand's flavors) and none of the stores here have that flavor dammit. Yes I could tweak and use a different flavor but I'd already planned out things that would work with that one specific flavor that nobody is selling around here. I only have till the end of the month to taste test and tweak and come up with my recipes and get them submitted.... so NOW I have to start coming up with alternate ideas if I can't find that flavor soon. And that kinda ticks me off because I know the ideas I have would truly be best with that flavor. Blast it all. 

It's starting to make me wonder if I should just stop entering contests altogether. I never win. There are always issues. I already refuse to enter contests on youtube, because after the one contest I did enter there wound up feeling like the winners only won because of a huge bias the contest holder had and typically the contests held there have winners chosen via comments, those of us who don't have thousands of subscribers to go vote for us don't stand a chance at all it seems really pointless. But then with how that nail polish contest went down too, and that card design contest.... it's all supposed to be fun but it ends up being depressing and irritating. I know I probably just sound like a sore loser but I promise I'm not - I know I'm not going to win all the time nor do I ever expect to win at all in the first place. But you have to admit that with the way things have gone in the contests I have entered.... it just seems like the cards are stacked against me and I'm starting to wonder why I bother.

Anyway. I'm also feeling completely envious of those people in the world who have found a way to make money by doing what they love to do. I don't think I'll ever be one of those people. I've tried everything I can think of and still.... here I am, only trying but never getting anywhere. I'm not sure it's worth trying anymore - not that it makes a difference because with the way things are right now I can't work outside the home anyway so may as well keep trying since I have nothing else to do but... it just starts to feel impossible sometimes. And this is one of those times.

1 thought(s) shared / what do you think?